Mental Garbage And Other Stumbling Blocks

Loss, it can be a terrible thing to deal with. I have had to deal with several types of loss in my life, none have been easy and some have been really bad. I have, like some, dealt with the loss of a grandparent or two. The loss of family security as in the abandonment of family. The loss of my mother and step-father, which I had to find out after the fact on each. I have even been through a divorce and then the loss of my second wife after a long illness. None of the pain of any of these really ever goes away, all we can do is our best to pick ourselves up and move on. Easy to say, hard to do.

Many of life's events have the annoying ability to leave a lot of 'baggage' and 'garbage' behind, most of it in one's mind. I know this as I have had enough 'baggage' and 'garbage' to fill a cargo ship full. When one sits down to take an honest inventory they could be surprised just what each event in life has left behind, some hidden some not. I have had to wade through some pretty deep muck to get on with my life. At times it has taken years to get through some of it, some things I am still treading through. At times when it is extremely difficult and I can think clearly I try to remind myself that there are those that have more difficult things to deal with than I. Certainly a few hours of watching television news or reading a newspaper can prove that.

I have relied on people and my faith to get through a lot, although I must admit that at times in my life my faith was not really all that strong. Certainly not as strong as it has become and may it grow stronger each day. One bit of encouragement that I have received over the last year has been from my son. After years of a very strained relationship, from lack of effort and the effort from some outside sources, my son and I have reconnected and he wants to just put the past behind us and move on and build and strengthen our relationship. When I got those words from him I sat down and cried, cried tears of joy that my son wanted me in his life. I am very proud of the man that he has become.

I have spend the last several years getting to know my bible better. Reading through it a couple of times and spending more time in certain areas with in it. I have spent a considerable amount of time in prayer and listening for direction from the Holy Spirit. I have found a good bible teaching church full of some very good people. I also try to surround myself with people of faith in every day life as well. I have had one good friend that even though we are miles apart is there to pick up the phone whenever I need someone to talk to. I have even met some new people that even though it seems that I am the one helping them become closer to God, they are providing me with much needed support and understanding that I need through my trials. God does provide what you need to get through the trials. He has given me my son again, a chance to rebuild a relationship with my own father, and a new woman in my life that is there to give me that hug I need just when I need it.

I give the praise first because I know what I have been through and what I have overcome with the grace of God. I have had some stumbling blocks, some as big as boulders or even mountains. I have overcome them and I am, I believe, a better person for it. As the bible says, for everything there is a season and I am coming out of winter to enjoy the spring and looking forward to a long spring and summer. By the grace of God my the stumbling blocks be smaller and smaller until they are just mere pebbles beneath my feet.

I thank those that take the time to read this and pray that you yourselves find your stumbling blocks getting smaller and smaller.

her

I go through old letters and cards and see the love that I had for so long. I see the feeling and thought that I put in each and every one. I read through the ones given to me and feel like such a fool. The love and deep feelings portrayed in the pages and cards, they seem like just wishful thinking on my part now.

She is gone.

I cared for her day and night for so many years. I cleaned up after her. Ensured all appointments and needs were met. For her piece of mind I kept the peace, even if others wished nothing but turmoil. I endured the callousness of her family.

Did she ever love me? The things that she did, the things that hurt and continue to ache to this very minute. The burden that she left on her mother. The complete exclusion of me from all that was her.

Now that she is gone I am left with nothing but memories, as it all went to her parents by decree of her last will.

The letters and cards are gone now, all I have are the memories. I just wish they were not tainted as they now have become.

Years of love and complete trust, wasted in a futile effort to be apart of someone's life. I gave one hundred and ten percent of me to the her. She took it, ran with it, now I have nothing.

I was completely faithful to her, through the good and the bad, even through the worst. I was there in each hospital room no matter how long the stay, I even helped push her into the intensive care unit when the nurses could not find anyone else. I was there as the illness took what was left of her, as her mind started to leave and all she could do was scream for help. I was there when others would not come around. When no one would even give her a phone call, not even her own brother, I was there. I held her hand, dried her tears, comforted her, reassured her even though I needed the reassurance myself.

She is gone.

I am still here, me and a little white dog, homeless just a truck and a motorcycle to my name. What is in store for me and this little white dog? There maybe a heavenly plan for the two of us but to me it remains a mystery.

What was once is no more. Things being divided among those that cherish 'things' above people. I will have nothing but memories, if only they were not tainted by what has come to pass.

I turn my face to heaven and ask why. The answer eludes me.

After she had gone I did tell the Heavenly Father that my life was his. He is to take it were he wills, put in my path who he chooses. I have to remain patient and let His plan unfold before me. Please Lord, let me be paying attention.

She is gone and I am still here.

Betrayed.

Betrayed

Betrayed by man,

betrayed by woman.

Betrayed by life

betrayed by my wife.

Betrayed by mom,

betrayed by dad.

Betrayed by sister,

even betrayed by the brother I never had.

Promises made then broken,

Self-esteem, personal will, built up then smashed.

Years of happiness,

Years eventually trashed.

How can I go on?

Who can I trust?

Surely no one on this earth,

If all that should be trustworthy fail,

Those who have no trust would gladly continue.

They say to keep the faith,

that those with no faith seek to destroy.

Surrounded by the faithless,

surely there is no joy.

Show me the happiness, the joy,

if it is there reveal it to me, I plead.

Heavenly Father, have mercy,

in my life I give you the lead.

© Michael Griffin

Betrayal

Betrayal, perhaps the most painful thing you can feel. The closer the person is to you the greater the pain. 

When it's the woman that you loved and have given your life to for many years, the pain is nearly unbearable. 

Happy New Year.

Happy New Year to all my friends. 

"The Love of a Good Woman"

The love of a good woman

by Rev Mick

For the love of a good woman
a man will do almost anything.
For the love of a good woman
a man will save to give her a ring.
For the love of a good woman
a man will drop to his knees.
For the love of a good woman
a man is eager to please.
For the love of a good woman
a man will pray to the most holy.
For the love of a good woman
a man will engage in childish folly.
For the love of a good woman
a man will be grateful.
For with the love of a good woman
the world seems less hateful.

Copyright 2013 M D Griffin

"Life"

Life

by Rev Mick

Born full of promise and happiness,
how was I to know that it was only an illusion.
The innocence of childhood is the best of all worlds,
soon I would see that it was all just confusion.
Before I could reach double digits in age,
I sought to hide from another’s rage.
Rush to sleep to avoid the fights,
only to be awoken in a fright.
Abuse, physical and verbal was to be my experience,
in my heart I was to seek my forbearance.
To be beaten was to give way to a new fear,
along with alcohol, guns were brought about in later years.
To please and appease was my goal,
failure would be my woe.
No matter how I tried,
my family would still be capsized.
Into the night my father would be dragged,
out the other door my mother and sister would fly.
It was another family my father would brag,
and out into the street I went again, denied.
Such was many a relationship, no happiness would I find.
Until many years later would success arrive.
I no longer seek the parents I do not need.
In the heart of another I have purchased a deed.
Love and acceptance at last I have found,
yes, in life purchase an ounce receive a pound.
In the Lord I have put my faith,
for in another’s heart He has shown my fame.

Copyright 2013 M D Griffin